Not too long ago, I went to a networking event in the city. I have been trying to expand my social circle and have found that networking events can be a great way to get started. As I made my round to survey potential people I can approach, I began to notice this gentleman doing the same. I went about my way and began to talk to someone and establish a conversation. We asked each other names, business information, background and all that fun stuff. Usually if things go well and make a good connection I stick around a little longer and gauge whether it would be mutually beneficial to meet at another time to further develop that connection. This is pretty standard to me.
After having met a few people, I noticed the gentleman that walked in at the same time as me, now standing alone. He must have been standing there for a long time. His body language communicated to the world: “Please someone talk to me.” My heart went out to him because I knew exactly how they felt.
You’re in a new city. You don’t know anyone. You make yourself go to a networking event in hopes to meet people. Then you go to an event to find that there are too many to talk to. Where do you begin? How do you strike a conversation? What can we learn from our friend who was standing by the bar with no one to talk to?
Here are some of the valuable lessons I have learned to make successful connections at networking events:
1) Survey the event and people. When you make your way to a networking event, go around the venue and familiarize yourself with the place so you know where the bathrooms, bar and food (if there is any) are located. This is handy in case you need to make a graceful exit. More on that tip a little later.
2) Time is of the essence. I’ve noticed that there seems to be a window of about 5 minutes from the time you get settled into the venue and the time you start your first connection. It’s like if you don’t talk to anyone after that small period, you begin to take a sideline and it makes it harder to enter a conversation circle. You might notice people already talking to others and you might be discouraged to start a conversation, then you go home, order a pizza with a few beers and watch reruns of “Fresh Prince of Bel Air.” (Not that it happened to me or anything.) Also, after that small window, it gets harder to find individuals to talk to, leaving you with the option of breaking into a group setting… which can be a little more intimidating.
3) Pick the person or small group of people to approach. Once you have surveyed the venue, find the one person or group of no more than 4 people and make your way to them. If it’s one person you are approaching, make eye contact and smile, offer your name and ask them for theirs. This was hard for me when I first started going to networking events because I thought people would think that I was creepy for smiling and making eye contact with them. However, this is not the case. You’re making a connection from the get-go and it allows for a fluid introduction. For shy people, it takes practice. For someone not so shy, it takes practice. I am not shy but it is something I have had to practice and put in use in these situations.
In a group situation, you can inch your way into the circle and begin listening in the conversation. You can either wait for someone to notice you and introduce themselves to you or wait until someone is done talking, offer your name and add into the conversational flow. Obviously, you have to be careful not be rude, check to see if it’s appropriate to join that particular circle and be aware of the timing so that you don’t interrupt in the wrong moment.
4) Come prepared. So you meet this person or meet a group of people. You must have icebreakers prepared. Things like: “Where are you from?”, “What keeps you occupied these days?” and “How did you hear about this event?” are pretty standard. Once the person is talking, you can gather clues from what they say to keep fueling the conversation. Ideally there needs to be a back and forth (aka: take turns in talking) to make it an effective connection. So if you come prepared with more questions after the initial ones, you will have plenty to talk about until the conversation runs its course.
Another important way to be prepared is to have plenty of business cards. You don’t want to go to a networking event and not have contact info readily available. In the worst case scenario, bring a small pad and a pen to take down info (let this be a worst case scenario solution though.)
5) Know when to move to the next connection and exit gracefully. Once you have exchanged pertinent information about one another, you need to decide whether to stay and converse some more with the intent to deepen that connection or move on and meet more people. After all, you’re at a networking event. You’re probably not going to be able to meet all 200 or 1000 people in the event. So quality is factor and not quantity. If your connection with that person or group is great, then you can stay in it a little longer. Again, you have to play this by ear. Observe body language. If you have run out of things to talk about or the other person is not being talkative then you make the graceful exit. Something like: “It was a pleasure to meet you. I’m going to meet some of the other folks at the event.” You shake the person’s hand, smile and make eye contact and then move on.
6) Repeat steps 1 through 5. Once you have talked to the one person or group, it becomes easier to start another conversation with someone else. Do the things listed above and have fun. Try to watch your body language so that it communicates a positive message. Relax and breathe if you are uncomfortable in social settings or when you first attend a networking events. I promise that it gets easier as you practice and meet people. You will gain confidence and if you “mess up,” learn from your mistakes and apply the lessons to your next social event.
There are a lot of hypothetical situations that would require different actions. Things like someone completely taking over a conversation or a group of people not being welcoming. There is the bathroom for when you need to regather (not that I’ve been there or anything) or the bar for a little breathing time.
These few lessons helped me understand the mechanics of these events and make great industry connections. Like our friend who was standing alone, I learned that it takes a little courage and a “you got nothing to lose” mentality. I actually approached our friend that I was telling you about earlier and began a conversation. He was quite a brilliant guy and had a lot of experience in his field. He confessed to me that the events made him freeze and very nervous. Luckily, I had been there before and in a casual manner, I shared my experience with him like I am now sharing with you. We had a great conversation and keep in touch regularly.
Networking is too important nowadays and we have to be equipped to successfully carry ourselves in these situations. Most of the networking events I have attended have bars or food and consequently people seem more relaxed. Whether the official social lubricant exists or not, these tips can help you make meaningful connections and further expand your social network.